


Long Story Short

by starlightwalking



Series: the world as we know it [7]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Communication, Domestic Fluff, Gender Identity, M/M, Trans Fingon, Trans Male Character, very mild discussion of sexual topics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25660684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightwalking/pseuds/starlightwalking
Summary: Maedhros asks Fingon about his transitioning process.
Relationships: Fingon | Findekáno/Maedhros | Maitimo
Series: the world as we know it [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1651942
Comments: 12
Kudos: 43
Collections: Anna's Trans Anthology





	Long Story Short

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling very emo about Russingon last night and needed some fluff to cheer me up, and since I posted another installment in this series the other day this AU was on my mind! I went through my idea list and the older fics, and I realized I hadn't really decided on the details of Fingon's transition which made for vaguely contradictory statements. So thus this fic was born to resolve that!
> 
> In addition to the "very mild discussion of sexual topics" this story also includes a mild discussion of dysphoria and a vague reference to past non-con. None of that is actually depicted in this fic.
> 
> Set between "In Dreams"/"Nightmare" and "A Good Start."

Fingon bustled around the kitchen in nothing but his underwear, tall pineapple-patterned socks, and one of Maedhros' baggy sweatshirts with their university logo fading away from being washed too many times. Maedhros was supposed to be studying for an exam he had in two days, but he found he couldn't look away from his boyfriend, who sang along to the radio in a gorgeous soprano voice as he cooked dinner.

 _He's so cute,_ Maedhros thought fondly. How had he ended up with Fingon? He still wasn't quite sure: the night they'd gotten together, when Fingon had shouted his name and he'd come running to see what the problem was only to have Fingon kiss him in a horny and anxious delirium—that was a bit of a blur. He remembered Fingon coming out to him as trans, and him confessing what Mairon had done to him, and then being kissed again and again and again until they fell asleep in Fingon's bed and he'd woken up the next morning with a boyfriend in his arms and a feeling of peace in his chest he hadn't had in months. He hadn't wanted the illusion to shatter, and then it _didn't_ because Fingon remembered too and somehow he'd _meant_ what he said, and here Maedhros was a month and a half later, still counting his lucky stars.

Fingon's voice cracked on a high note, and he made a face. "Dammit," he grumbled. "When I was in choir I could hit that." He sniffed the chicken he was cooking, immediately moving onto other thoughts, but the remark stuck with Maedhros.

"I didn't know you were in choir," he remarked.

Fingon shrugged, absently stirring the rice cooking in the pot next to the chicken pan. "It was a while ago. Before I really started transitioning."

Maedhros nodded. He made a pretense of staring at his textbook, but his mind was still on Fingon, on how much he didn't know about his boyfriend, how much he was still a bit nervous to ask. How much he _wanted_ to know, so he could support him, prove that he wasn't like Fingon's shitty transphobic ex.

 _I think I love him,_ he realized, and he was terrified by what that meant. So instead of dwelling on it he gathered his courage to ask, "Fingon?"

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you a question? About...being trans?"

Fingon paused in his cooking, turning down the radio. He went still, hunching forward a bit in the hoodie, as if he was trying to hide his chest. He probably was; Maedhros had been very careful to not remark on any more "feminine" traits Fingon possessed, and delicate when he brought up any gender-related topics, but... he knew it was something Fingon was sensitive about, and for good reason, especially after his last ex. (Maedhros wasn't particularly violent by nature, especially not...recently, but there was a part of him that wanted to track down Galdor and punch him in the face.)

"Sure," Fingon said, not turning to look at him. "Can't promise I'll answer right, but I'll do my best."

"Not about...trans stuff in general," Maedhros said. "I'm mostly just...curious. About you."

Fingon glanced his way, something wary in his eyes. "Okay."

"I don't want to make you anxious," Maedhros said, because he _really_ didn't, and he knew about Fingon's anxiety disorder. "You don't have to answer, right away or at all—"

"Look, I'm gonna be anxious until I _do_ answer, Mae," Fingon said bluntly, "so please, just get it over with."

Maedhros nodded. "When did you...first come out?" Not _when did you know_ , because as a gay dude Maedhros knew that was a loaded question, but coming out for the first time was a bit more of an event, usually.

"Oh." Fingon's shoulders relaxed a little, and he went back to cooking. "I think I was...like, five? when I first told my mom I didn't want to be a girl. But my parents didn't really put it all together until I was...seven, yeah, right after my seventh birthday. They didn't really know much about gender stuff, and I was just a kid so _I_ didn't really, either, so we kind of...figured things out together. They were great about it," he added, a little defensively, and Maedhros wondered who had tried to give him shit about his parents' reactions before. "I picked a new name, Fingon, and they started calling me that and referring to me as their son, just when we were at home. At school people still saw me as a girl, but home was great, mostly."

"Is there a reason you picked Fingon?" Maedhros asked curiously. If he'd picked out his name—which, well, he'd sort of tried that in middle school, going by his middle name, but "Russ" just didn't stick, at least not for anyone other than his mom—he probably wouldn't have gone with something quite so common, especially given his last name. Smith was boring enough. Of course, Fingon's last name also happened to be Smith—that's how common it was—and he wouldn't dare call his boyfriend's chosen name _boring_. Not out loud, at least.

"I was obsessed with dinosaurs and my favorite dino scientist was named Dr. Fingon Ithilbor," Fingon admitted, grinning sheepishly. "I wanted to be just like him. I mean, I changed my mind when I went into psych, and even now that I've switched to education that's nothing like paleontology, but I do still admire the guy. If I picked now, though, it would probably be something a bit cooler. Like Maedhros," he teased, and Maedhros rolled his eyes.

"It's bad enough we have the same last name," he groaned. "People are gonna think we're already—they're gonna think we're married or something!" Fuck, he really had to watch what he said around Fingon, didn't he? He was already that much in love, huh?

Fingon didn't seem to notice, because he'd have mocked Maedhros if he had (or maybe not, he was _good_ like that). "Yeah, yeah," he dismissed. "Anyway, long story short: I grew up, they put me on puberty blockers, but that got awkward and embarrassing when I was in like eighth grade and still looked like a baby, so I went off them and...well. I'm not on T, yeah? So I got the _other_ kind of puberty. Which was kind of stupid of me to insist on, but it was my idea."

"And you were in choir," Maedhros guessed.

"Yeah, in high school, for a couple years," Fingon agreed. "By the time I was a junior though I was half-out of the closet with all my friends and some of my teachers and the misgendering in choir got bad enough that I quit. The director, she meant well, but gender is _so_ baked into the culture...I couldn't handle it being 'one of the girls' anymore." He paused. "Honestly, I miss it. Singing was really fun, and cathartic. Part of the reason I'm _still_ not on T is because I'm afraid I'll lose my voice, even if I'm not really doing much with it right now."

"Do you want to take hormones?" Maedhros asked.

"I...yes?" Fingon shrugged. "Yes and no, I guess. It won't make me taller, which is basically the main reason people misgender me these days. And I'm not a fan of needles. But aside from the singing thing I'd love it if my voice were deeper, and like...I don't really want facial hair, necessarily, but looking more male to strangers would be nice. Really though, I just look like a teenage boy, and T is hit and miss for trans guys in the age-appearance department. I don't have huge boobs so binding helps a lot, and that's mostly enough. I managed to fool you for a solid month before I came out to you!"

"You weren't fooling me," Maedhros said, and Fingon's face fell, so he added quickly, "No, I mean, you are a guy and I thought you were a guy. You weren't like...pulling a trick on me. I just didn't know the whole story behind you being a dude, and I assumed it was like the way I'm a dude, not...more interesting."

Fingon looked at him with a softness Maedhros felt he didn't deserve. "You're great," he murmured.

"No I'm not," Maedhros said firmly, and he meant it in more than just the "this is basic human decency" sense, but he didn't want Fingon to know that or he'd get scared and leave. " _You're_ great."

"We can both be super great, then," Fingon compromised. A buzzer went off and he took the food off the heat, mixing the chicken in with the rice. "Dinner's ready!"

Maedhros dug in: Fingon was a good cook. Or at least, he was better than Maedhros, which wasn't saying all that much. (Though Maedhros could cook better than _Maglor_ , that was for certain.)

"The one thing," Fingon said through a mouthful of food, "is that periods fucking _suck_. Even aside from like, the bleeding and the cramps and shit, which are awful on their own. Most—like 75%—of my dysphoria comes from like, how _other_ people perceive me? Which is why I feel fine walking around our apartment like _this_ —" he gestured to his lack of a real outfit— "because I feel totally safe around you, you've never once said or done anything to make me feel like I was less of a man." He smiled, and leaned over to kiss Maedhros' nose, pausing right before to ask if it was okay. Maedhros nodded, got his nose kiss, and went back to eating, his heart so full that it worried him. Fuck, he was _in love_.

"But the other 25% is almost entirely from my period," Fingon groused. "That would be the number one thing I'd like about T."

Maedhros swallowed. "Why don't you go on birth control?" he asked. "I mean, I grew up with six brothers, cis ones, so I'm not like, an expert, but I did have girl friends—not _girlfriends_ , I was too awkward and gay for that, even before I figured that last bit out, but like, friends who were girls—and some of them went on the pill just for the period-stopping side effect. I think." He frowned. "Actually, that may have been the excuse, not the reason. I was extremely oblivious to my high school friends' sex lives."

"Hm!" Fingon said. "You know, I hadn't really thought about that? I've never really—I mean, I've had sex before, but I'm a stickler for protection and I don't really want my boyfriend's dick in my cunt, gonna be honest. Not that we need to worry about that, at least not now."

Maedhros' gut twisted at the thought, not because the thought of Fingon's genitals repulsed him (he really didn't feel one way or the other) but because the thought of anything involving his own dick was, at this point, an impossibility. Thankfully Fingon didn't dwell on it.

"But anyway for some reason that never occurred to me." He snorted. "Kind of stupid, now that I think about it."

"I think the student health center can refer you to a doctor?" Maedhros said. He knew Maglor's girlfriend had done something like that, when they both still went here. "And they're pretty queer-friendly, so I'd imagine they'd find you a trans-positive one."

"I'll say it again: you're _great_ , Maedhros." Fingon offered his hand, and Maedhros took it. "And don't try to tell me you're not, because you are _the_ best boyfriend in the world."

"That's impossible," Maedhros said with a blush, glad to have an easy way to counter that, "because _you're_ the best boyfriend in the world."

"I walked right into that one," Fingon admitted, squeezing his hand. "But thanks. Anyway, you're definitely the best boyfriend _I've_ ever had, not just because you're so chill about...everything."

Maedhros didn't know what to say, so he just rubbed his thumb against Fingon's palm. He hoped he never proved Fingon wrong, unlikely as that was. It still astonished him that Fingon woke up every day still wanting to be with him, though he supposed it would be incredibly awkward to break up with your roommate.

"That's a smart idea, though," Fingon said. "I'll go down to the health center this week and see what they can hook me up with."

"I can go with you, if you want," Maedhros offered.

Fingon nudged his textbook toward him. "Only after you've aced that exam!"

Maedhros sighed. "It's a lost cause. I'm just not smart enough."

"Do _not_ say that, Mr. Salutatorian—"

"I told you, my high school was super small, there wasn't many other people to choose from and besides, I was one of _two_ salutatorians and I didn't even come close to valedictorian—"

Their conversation devolved into amicable bickering, and Maedhros let Fingon win their little debate. Anything to see his boyfriend smile, anything to make him happy.

**Author's Note:**

> "Dr. Fingon Ithilbor" is nobody in particular; like with Galdor, I just picked a random Sindarin name for a character that doesn't appear in person.
> 
> Also, I'm very different from this Fingon in many, many ways but I'm absolutely projecting wrt the whole singing thing and my frustration around how gendered choirs are, lmao
> 
> Thanks for reading, and please comment if you enjoyed!  
> You can find me on tumblr [@arofili](http://arofili.tumblr.com/).


End file.
